Thursday, May 10, 2012

I'll Have Another

So did you see where I picked the Derby winner in my posting last week? Not bad for an amateur. I must admit, however, that I picked him thinking that the "Another" in I'll Have Another was a libation of some sort. But it was something far more innocent than that: cookies. That's right, the owner named the horse to honor his spouse's homemade treats. Seems whenever she asks him how he likes her latest batch, his reply is invariably, "I'll have another". A man after my own heart. That's his story anyway, and he is sticking to it as his horse heads toward the Preakness, the second jewel in the triple crown. Me? I'm gonna take my $32.60 (on a $2 bet) and run.

Of course now I have $30 burning a hole in pocket. I guess I could hold onto it until the Facebook IPO next week and try to buy shares of that. But something about helping to put $15 billion in Mark Zuckerberg's pocket (that's his projected take) rubs me the wrong way. Maybe I could buy him a necktie instead. That way when he is asking investors for $86 billion, he can look like a professional, and not the Unabomber.

With $30 I could also have the ads turned off on my Kindle 4. Yeah, I went with the "cheaper" model that is subsidized by advertisements that run on the home screen, and cannot be turned off without forking over $30. I didn't mind them so much when I first got the thing, but now that I am married to it (I spend a LOT of time in airports and on planes), they are starting to bug me. I wonder if NBC and the other TV networks would let me work a similar deal with them? Of course without commercials, I think an episode of 30 Rock is only about four minutes long. And besides, how would I carry on without the Aflac duck?

Looks like I could score the World's Largest Gummy Worm and have $2 left over. That's right, a $28 gummy worm. But this is no ordinary gummy worm. It's 26 inches long, has a 5 inch girth, weighs 3 pounds, and has over 4,000 calories in it. And according to its maker, it's "an amazing gift for now or later due to its year-long shelf life". So are we to infer that there are people who eat this thing in one pass? That's disgusting, which is saying something coming from me. At least I'd have $2 left to get some Pepto Bismol.

I bet you didn't know you could buy a timeshare for less than $30. Yep, bargain timeshare resales are available regularly on Now you do need to understand what you are actually getting for your money. For example, there is a 1-bedroom/1.5-bathroom unit available at Sea Crest Surf and Racquet Club in Hilton Head Island, SC, for just $10. Add to that a $14.99 RedWeek membership fee (if you are not already a member), and you can contact the owner and possibly work out a deal. Now this seems like a nice resort (members rate it 4 stars) located a block from the ocean, with three pools (one heated), and lots of great restaurants and nightlife options nearby. But the week is #44 on the timeshare week calendar, which is the first week in November. Is that a good time to stay in Hilton Head? Can you still go swimming? I don't know, but you need to ask these questions before even considering any timeshare purchase. Then there are the maintenance fees. Besides owning the deed on this place, whether or not you ever stay there yourself, you will need to pay annual maintenance fees. This is true on all timeshare purchases, and this unit is currently listed as $494/yr (also something you want to confirm with the resort). And then there are one-time closing fees like with any real estate transaction. So there is quite a bit more to the $10 asking price. But if you've ever stayed in a hotel, you know that $99/night is not the whole story either. And unlike a hotel, you own this week and can rent it out the years you don't use it, let family and friends use it, or resell it on RedWeek. RedWeek offers a ton of timeshare resources to help you decide if a resale is right for you.

Well, I guess I am going to hold onto this $30 until I can find something I really want to buy. Or maybe I'll blow the whole wad on this '80s Cell Phone Case from Urban Outfitters. Yeah, it's a cover for your sleek smart phone to make it look like one of those bulky, 1980s cell phones like the kid from Saved By The Bell used to talk on (remember that one?). I love the first customer review of this thing: "The idea is absolutely awesome... but its super bulky that i cant even text comfortably. I cant take pictures either... and whenever i made calls people could NOT hear me." Duh!!!

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